Thursday, May 15, 2008

Minding everybody's business but their own

Oh, the irony! The same people who are appalled when their family does not rally around their plan to risk a baby's life at homebirth, actually believe it is their right and obligation to talk siblings and friends out of their plans for birth.

Take this gem from MDC, bizarrely entitled "My sister is getting induced tomorrow, comfort me". This woman actually thinks that she is entitled to be "comforted" because her adult sister is not doing what she wants her to do. Truly mind boggling; but I digress:
I'm really upset about it. I have shared my views with her in a gentle and open-minded way, and she says she gets it, but she wants to listen to her (male, of course) OB. I'm just so worried about it, about the cascade of interventions, and I am so disappointed that she will most likely miss out on the amazing experience of a normal birth experience. I could just cry. Instead, I'm praying that she goes into labor on her own pronto. Not that it would help much, I'm thinking, because her Dr seems to be the type who knows better than her body and baby do, of course.
Hmmm, the obstetrician, who has undergone years of training about childbirth is vilified because he might think that he "knows better" than the patient about what is good for her, but the woman posting has just claimed that SHE knows better than her sister what is good for her.

The original poster is "counselled" by another woman to give up on the birth, and switch her attention to pushing breastfeeding:
I'm sorry she's stuck, and I know it's soooo hard to be happy for her... but I just try to block the birth part out of my mind and focus on "Okay, breastfeeding... how's breastfeeding going?"
These women remind me of the overbearing mothers who are constantly butting into their adult children's lives and justify their need to control and interfere by insisting that it is their business since they care about their children's "happiness".

A third woman is right on the money when she offers this comment:
Are you perhaps a little overinvested here?

Not everyone grooves on the amazingness of natural birth. Why not be happy for her that she has an HCP that she trusts, and that she's comfortable with the way things are going?

Yes, she's chosing a high-intervention route. Some people like those. And frankly, as someone who chose a high-intervention route, it's really condescending, annoying and frustrating when people tried to step in and tell me I would regret it, that I was missing this transcendent moment. I resent it when other people try to substitute their judgment about what's right for me for my own.

Homebirth and "natural" childbirth advocacy are all about some women trying to feel superior to other women. The original poster seems to feel that SHE is entitled to sympathy because her sister is not taking her advice to do exactly what she did. She is more than over-invested, she is grossly self-absorbed. She appears to think that other people's decisions are her business.


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